it feels like I carry this burden in my chest and its really hard to breath…and the only thing that saves me now is coffee and cigarettes…a lot of coffee and a lot more cigarettes…
At first I thought I was just feeling kinda sad because I got no one special in my life, but the feelings got worse, and at that time, I realized something….I got no one to care to begin with, and there is no one to care with me either. They just come and go. Mostly go. And I’m tired catching up, I tired trying to ask them. For a moment I want them to feel that I wanted them, without blurting words. For a moment, I want to feel that someone needed me. Not for comfort, I want them to need me because they know I need them.
It’s okay to die.
Trust me, others would say its not. Well, honestly, it is.
They say its a stupid thing, you’re running away from your problems, it won’t get you anywhere, it wouldn’t solve anything and stuffs like a stereotypical friend would say…
But have you ever asked them how would they do know such things? Have they ever died before and experienced it?
I’ll tell you one good thing why its okay to die, when you have no one to fight for. When you wake up every morning, not knowing what mask you need to wear, not knowing if its going to be a great day, when everyone who said they’re going to be there is NOT there. And you are left alone in your room thinking, do I really need to breath…
The world won’t stop when you die.
Even famous people dies, and half of the world didn’t care at all. So why would it stop just for you?
How about your family and friends! They’ll miss you!
Yes, yes they will, give your parents 5 or 10 years, you’ll just be a memory, you think that’s stupid? Here, they’ll die anyway, so what’s the point waiting on that fateful day huh?
Friends? 3 years, your another memory they’ll keep in some internet site…
See? See how the world cares for you.
No one cares for you.
You got no one to fight for, no one to live for.
You’ve ignored yourself to much for the past nth year… why listen now.
Why not die.
this is useless
no one will save you. no one will.
trust me
words are just words
people are just people
you’re dying inside and out
you’re not special
no one is
just die
It’s like you’ve just going to a place, earlier than others.
its okay to die.
especially when you’ve got nothing to loose.
Family will be gone.
Friends will be gone.
Love will be gone.
Almost every living soul here will be gone.
They’ll leave you, and JUST REMEMBER you.
Sanity is already gone for me.
I wonder how many hours do I have..how much strength I still have to endure this bullshit.
is it possible to fall in love with a stranger for one hour?
he’s just so pretty…
i wish I didn’t lie :(
I don’t deserve to love and to be loved.
The sad part of my everyday is when you’re preparing yourself a cup of coffee and smoke outside…leaning back on the wall and you listen to yourself you’re alone.
No one’s asking how are you.
Have you eaten?
What are you doing?
Keep safe.
I miss you.
Wish you were here right now.:(…
…I love you.
gives me the chills just typing it.
no one has ever told me seriously that…or I haven’t taken it seriously though..
*sigh*
yes…alone. 22years of my life celebrating valentines alone.
stupid hormones.
Ok, so I like this guy…and I don’t think he doesn’t like me…
much of a cliche huh?
I know for a fact that he doesn’t like me at all because of how he just looks at me whenever he sees me….its like a taboo or shit for him…
well, I don’t know but I really like him…to think that he’s much younger than me for some years…I don’t know ok…I’m just a big stalker…
For a stalker I should be able to get his name but I couldn’t…I would if I could but he just scares my balls whenever I see him..
Its like I froze or something like a stupid marmot that has seen a prey…
My hands get cold and fidgety and all I can do is bow my head and start smoking my cool away…
God his so gorgeous …
Just knowing his name is like getting a pot of gold..
but the fucking pot of gold I cannot have because I cannot see any fucking rainbow on the way…
I don’t have the balls to come up to him and say “Hi.”
I did..well..WE did had a little, and by little I mean fucking little conversation to him way way back…he’s as timid as fuck.
One answer for one question…
Cool asshole he is..
Bahhhh…that’s one of the reason that I get cold feet whenever I see him…
besides being timid….I don’t think he finds me really interesting like I’m a trap annoying his ass everytime I see him….
I get all yiiiiiiiii outside and in for the love of Christ I couldn’t help myself ok…
I know I should stop…If I could only have the arse and balls to ask his name..everything would be over…
If only I could say that I like him like hell…then it would be over…
I need to remove my fucking thrill over him so I could move on..
I’m starting to get scared of this…
I think I’m falling in-love with a total stranger who thinks I’m a fucking stalker and a weirdo…
God..why……
its been a while since I wrote something here…so here goes what you’ve missed out.
got a job…part-time, but at least I got something to look forward to everyday…
I’m a tutor at some company and I’m teaching Japanese people how to speak English
I already took my board exam again, and I know for a fact that it would be my last.
and yes im still alone
had a great day to day. :)
I just realized something that I would’ve realize a long time before. :)
I just wanted to share this with the internet world so here it goes..
Mom & Dad,
First off, thank you for your encouragement. Almost everyday I hear something from you that would really destroy my self-esteem and ego. Like early this day when I told you I’m applying a job, a home-base job, so that I thought I could also do house-hold choirs when I’m done with the tutorial, but instead of hearing positive remarks from you, all I heard was,”It’s a waste of electricity.”. Yeah, way to uplift my job-hunting mom!
All I wanted to do is to find some purpose after my board exams, you know, something to do while waiting for the results, ‘cause I’ve been thru that and it was a staggering 2 months of frustrations and angst, I need to distract myself for a while, and I think finding and having a job is worthwhile. But I guess I was being stupid…I can’t even get any positive feed-backs from you.
What happened a while ago, well, another encouragement from you, “I’ve never seen a student who’ll take board exams that is so lax like you! I haven’t even see you hold your book! You’re not gonna pass with that attitude!”, I know dad, I know..thanks for dragging my face to the ground. It does help put or double the pressure that I have.
Well I guess I had a great day today, I’m full and packed of excitements to face my tomorrows and dreams! Thank a lot. For nothing.
